I don't care anymore about being great. I just want to be okay. I stand before a mirror and what I see disgusts me. A stranger. A coward. I've lied, cheated, ran, hid.. Shit, I'm still hiding. And I really miss my dad. I miss my family and my brothers. I miss my mom and my sister. I miss the life I never had. But this life I do have.. I don't understand. How selfish of me.. to say I don't want it. pathetic. unappreciative. I swear I'd take your place any day. If only it gave you all the things I never had. You and I, we're so similar. You knew all along. I wish I had known too. I keep you inside of me, but I'd give anything to have you in front of me. It gives me comfort knowing I'm like you. That must mean there are others like us too. I found one I think you'd like.. love even. But she's lost like me too. I'm starting to think we can't save each other. I sit here smoking these cigarettes like maybe I'll breathe in some answers. But all I'm really doing is saying what caused her to be lost will cause other's to be lost too. Again, pathetic. Now don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder what the fuck I'm doing. Because just going through the motions isn't cutting it anymore. I feel like everyone has beauty they bring to others.. So tell me why, those who I hold the highest, I bring them lower than anyone should ever be. Three down, and I'm still breathing. How many more will it take. I don't expect anything from you.. maybe just some blunt truths and painful realizations. That's okay, say all you need to. Anything to bring you peace. Anything for you. I hold on to this hope, that maybe one day we'll meet again.. When we're older and new. That's as far as the hope goes. I just want to meet again. Forget the past, the hurt, the lies. Just fresh. You. Me. And just meet. Maybe in another life.. That's as far as I can hope.. I won't remember you, but something inside will tell me that I love you. I think I've loved you all along. If that's what happened this time why wouldn't it happen again. Somehow I know it's always been me and you. And always will be. I've met my match. Now i'll walk away knowing I'll be brought back to you. 

Only and always you.